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 Post subject: Possible scam - advice please
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 8:26 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:48 pm
Posts: 4
I met a Romanian girl through a webcam site a few weeks ago. I talked with her on the site for a long time and we got on really well - like really well - you can see a lot in people's facial expressions and body language on a cam and it was all good. Really good. Then she surprised me and took a big risk by asking me for my phone number and calling me (this is expressly forbidden by the rules of the sites btw).

We've talked a very great amount since, on msn, via text, on the phone, on email. I have her full name and address. I have her husband's name, and her brother's. I know (albeit a little belatedly) she is married, and she cried and cried like you would not believe when she told me. There is no way you can cry for hours hard like that without meaning it.

She is moody, a real bitch sometimes, we argue, we make up, we are loving and sexy and seem to have something special by way of a chemistry. She is exciting. When we connect we connect really well and when times have been hard she has suggested that the time is wrong for us both and that we should just get on with our lives, but then said her life was different since I appeared in it, and she couldn't stop. And despite the lack of sense of it all, nor could I.

She says she loves me, or whatever you can feel for someone you've never met. We are quite upfront about having feelings you can't explain for someone you only know on the internet and phone. I never would have believed I could feel the way I do about someone I have not met in the flesh. And if I can feel this way, why not her too?

She calls me when her husband is around (he doesn't speak English) but she tells me he's there and it's only ever general chat. Anything more romantic is when she is alone, which she is quite a lot as she works long hours on the webcam site. She tells me he doesn't care if she talks to her long-standing clients on the phone and he trusts her 100%. And that he knows that she likes me but that I live far away and she is married so nothing is going to happen. Also that their marriage is not great, but she has never cheated on him and has to respect him. She has lived in western europe and wants to live in the west in the long term.

But I am a sceptic and I'm looking for the catch. Well apart from the marriage bit, obviously. Initially I wondered whether it was about getting minutes in her chatroom, but we talk on free IM when she's working so it can't be that. And she spends what for a Romanian must be a bundle of cash on text messages to me.

She has always said she doesn't want anything from me and knows about the reputation Romanians have in the world, yet yesterday she asked me for money for the 1st time. But not with the usual sob story - she wants to buy something nice for herself...!! I don't know whether she was serious or whether it was some kind of test/joke - she likes to play games - and I told her she would never get money out of me. We talked online for several hours after that but she brought it up again on the phone today and I asked directly whether she really wanted money from me, and she said no (though I expect if I sent her some she would accept it and spend it quite happily!).

She wants to meet, but because she is married and can't get away for more than a night or so she wants it to be in Romania, and preferably in her home town. I have said no as I'm not convinced her husband isn't in on all of it and I have this vision of her husband and several friends turning up at whatever hotel and me not coming back...

I know all the cam sites she works for and could probably get her sacked from the lot with a few emails to the site owners. I could also turn up or write to her husband and send him every email I have ever received from her, especially the ones where she says unpleasant things about him. So if it is a scam she is taking one hell of a chance.

I have also been through every scammer site I can find and have turned up nothing from name, phone number, email address, city, anything. Google only tells me what I already knew, i.e. that there is a record of the marriage. Nothing else.

I realise I'm probably asking in the wrong place for a 'she really does love you' answer, like turkeys voting for Christmas I guess. But some other perspectives on what the hell is going on would be great.

TIA


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:27 pm 
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Site Admin/Co-Founder

Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2003 10:09 pm
Posts: 2921
I cannot answer the question of "does she really love you" but I can tell you that if she ever asks you to wire her money for any reason (let's say because she is trying to leave her husband) it is a scam.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:24 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:50 am
Posts: 291
Location: WI
I would also not travel to Romania to meet her as it could be very dangerous to your well being. Like you had said, you might not come back.


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 Post subject: Webcam girl...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:48 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:44 am
Posts: 1
By any chance is the site you met her called camgirlslive.com and is her name Carmen from Galati, Romania.....?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:32 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:48 pm
Posts: 4
no, and i had a look at the only carmen i can find on that site but the one i've been talking to doesn't use her real name (if indeed it is) on the cam site. Feel free to pm me any emails or whatever to see if they're the same, i have quite a collection now.

I'm wondering whether mine is just some kind of nut :shock:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:29 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:13 pm
Posts: 4
What I find interesting is she claims her husband doesn't mind her talking to other guys, or as you said "long standing clients"!? That alone makes it look really fishy - but again, the fact he is letting her do webcam shows for a living is beyond my apprehension as well. I guess some people are so desparate for money or so greedy they will put up with or do anything.

How did you find out she was married anyway? Did she tell you after a while or did she have to admit after you found out? How can you find Romanian marriage records on Google? This also doesn't make sense.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:30 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:48 pm
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My understanding is that working on webcams pays at least twice the average wage in Romania, more if you're self-employed and if you're any good. In countries like Romania and Russia where there's high levels of poverty, unemployment, and the alternative is say working in a factory for a third of the money, I know what I would choose!!

The husband thing is weird but like I say she never says anything of any consequence while he's around, even though he doesn't speak much English. She has known some of her regular chat visitors for a long time and apparently talks to them as friends. And let's face it, if she's in Romania and home working every night, why would he worry?

To answer the questions: she told me she was married once I'd got to know her for a short time. Previously she had said she was single. I didn't believe her at first but she showed me the wedding pictures. That's when she cried for about 2 hours straight, like uncontrollable crying.

And it wasn't Romanian marriage records I found, it was the announcement in the online version of the local newspaper. I had her maiden name and her husband's name plus the date of the wedding and I have her address for the city, so it wasn't too hard to track down.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:13 pm
Posts: 4
Thanks for clarifying. From my own experience, the girl who tried to scam me also cried at one point for an hour or so. It was an act, but it also wasn't an act - depends how you look at it. If you want to go along and be manipulated that's fine, if you want to think she is sharing her feelings with you that's fine too. But their crying is usually followed by the request for money in one form or another. Maybe not during the same conversation or maybe not even on the next day or next week. But they will ask you for money sooner or later. And then you are going to say to yourself, "Well, if we were on a date I would pay for dinner or whatever, so why shouldn't I send her a little money" or something like that.
Have you ever seen anybody else cry for an hour or two? It is amazing - do they practice it and how do they avoid dehydration? Later I discovered most of the things she said were lies and her goal was to get as much money from me as possible. I also found out she has as much or even more money then I do and maybe I only scratched the surface there - who knows how much more she owns. And she also lives in Romania. Don't forget she may have dozens of guys she is working right now. And she may have that special thing and connection with all of them, of course. So this could be more of a "golddigger" thing then a scam.

It's not my intention to hurt your feelings with anything I said here. Maybe I should simply say, "Please be very careful." So many people, no matter where they live want it the easy way, they don't want to work hard and they want all the goodies - so they think a guy or a girl living in a more prosperious country owes them a living.

However, this is mine experience, yours might be something totally different. Maybe the answer you are looking for is as simple as you want it to be. Good luck!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 7:12 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:48 pm
Posts: 4
Thanks for that Nick, appreciate it. And I am being very careful, both emotionally and financially!!

Your posting struck a number of chords in my thinking, I don't think what has been happening is a straight scam as such - there is a real person there and one who is investing a lot of time and some of her own money into whatever she is doing. I have been thinking about the 'golddigger' part - but then again, she's told me her and her husband have considered moving out of Romania and have enough money for the flights and about a month's living expenses wherever they end up in the west. Which means by Romanian standards they have a reasonable amount in the bank.

Can I ask you how you found out that most of what she told you was lies, about her financial situation etc? I have looked into investigators but it's expensive and if I'm not going to give her any money anyway, why would I need it?

I did consider how many other people she is doing/has done this with. Can't be that many with the amount of time she spends on me, or maybe I"m just the mark of the moment. Maybe I am the first and because I knew nothing of these types of scams she has grasped the opportunity? That would go some way to explaining the very up and down nature of our relationship. Who knows.

Notwithstanding anything else, what I can't understand is that if it is all about money, and she isn't getting any, why bother? And doesn't she realise that there are very strict rules around the provision of premium-rate services like phone or cam chat in Western countries, and that anyone who is trying to use that to con people out of money would almost certainly be kicked off the site...???


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