Well, I'm new here. Only found this site tonight and I've signed up because I'm sad and a bit disillusioned and to add my tale to the rest. My story is only slightly different because I'm a guy and I am now pretty certain that I have been played by another guy - a Romanian. I met him, like pretty much everyone else, on an online site. It was a live chat site and although I started speaking to him because I was attracted to him, we never actually DID anything...we just chatted and I really liked him. Same old pattern followed as most of the other stories here; we chatted pretty regularly on the site, then I told him that I couldn't really afford to keep chatting on there and he asked if I had Yahoo Messenger. I didn't but I set it up so I could chat to him there. It was fun and he made me feel good about myself. I don't have any close friends and he was the closest thing I'd had to one for a long time. He has never said that he loves me and I have never said that to him either, we were just good friends. Our relationship was just fun and light with a bit of mild flirting thrown in and I enjoyed it. He said that he wanted me to know all about him because he didn't just view me as a virtual friend but as a real friend, just far away!
He told me lots of stuff about himself and I believe that the majority of it is true. I found his facebook page and references to him on other sites and it all ties up. He has never asked me for money BUT about six weeks ago, he lost his job at his old studio and had to start at another. He said that his old boss would not pay him the wages he was due because he had found out that he was going to move studios and so fired him. He was worried about his rent and electricity bill. As I say, he did not ask me for money but because it never even occurred to me (stupidly) that I was being played and I felt sorry for him, I offered to send him some money to tide him over. I sent about £70.00.
About two weeks later, it was coming up to his 21st birthday and I thought I might send him a gift. He forestalled this by telling me in one of our chats, that his salary was going to be delayed by a month due to 'administrative problems'. Again, he was worried about the bills. Again, he did not ask me for any help. I must admit that alarm bells started ringing then but I had already decided that I would send him some money for his birthday and so I offered to send it early, to help out. He said he felt bad about accepting it but he did and I sent £50.00. Both times through Moneygram and both times he would have had to use his ID to collect the money. As I say, I have no doubt that he is who he says he is!
So, a few days ago he tells me that he is worried because he has a mole/growth on his back and he has been to the doctor who wants to remove it asap as it may be carcinogenic. He says it has grown rapidly in the last couple of weeks. He sent me a photo of the mole! Because he has no health insurance and no work papers, he said that it would cost around 500 euros to remove the growth and associated medication and follow ups. He said he was worried about delaying the procedure but had no choice as he could not afford to have it done. This time I did not offer to help. I was starting to get wary. I did do a webcam chat with him and he showed me the growth on his back live on the webcam and it did look pretty nasty but I have no idea what it really was or how long it might have been there. I had never seen his back before! A couple of days later, he told me that he had borrowed money from his boss to have the growth removed and that he would be going to the hospital today to have it done.
Tonight he contacted me on messenger to say that he has been told the growth is cancerous and there is a real danger that it might spread. They want to take him into hospital immediately to operate as every day's delay could be dangerous. He tells me that this will cost around 1000 euros, which of course he does not have. He tells me that he has managed to borrow about 500 euros from friends and family, that his credit cards are maxed out and still no salary due until end of next week. Again, he did not ask me for money but I felt the suggestion hanging on the air. I spent ages wondering what to say to him and then I looked up some things on Google and found this site and this thread. I just feel very sad (and stupid obviously) because I really liked him and did believe (naively) that it was a genuine thing, that we really were becoming good friends. Of course, because it is still very fresh, I can't help wondering if I am judging him harshly. If he really were ill, I would feel terrible for not helping. I could afford to send him what he needs and if I could be absolutely sure that it was genuine, I probably would BUT I know that he is probably now trying to scam me and it's very upsetting. I suppose the good thing is that so far, he has only had £120.00 from me.
Of course, now that I have read this thread, and others, I can see a familiar pattern. I have also been checking on the Romanian healthcare system but I'm not 100% sure I've got it right. He says that he's a student so, as far as I can see, he should be entitled to free emergency healthcare regardless of whether or not he has health insurance and work papers but...I don't know if thats right for sure. I do know that there's a lot of corruption within the system but...who knows? I know that he hasn't been to work for a couple of days because he last signed in two days ago (i can check that) and he hasn't updated his facebook page for 5 days. That COULD all tie up with a genuine medical emergency...you see, I'm still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt!!
Anyway, I left it that I couldn't help him this time and that I'd talk to him later. I suppose that now I ought to close down the YM account and block him from my e-mail address. He doesn't have my phone numbers or my address. It's just really sad. Anyway, thought I'd share. It's my own stupid fault I know. These people must be able to sniff out the lonely and trusting very easily. Thanks for listening.